elsie marley

image from gourmet.com

There really is no good reason to make this pie, but when I saw it on Gourmet’s website a few weeks ago I really wanted to find a reason. Now that Gourmet is gone it seems some ridiculous pie making might be in order. Because along with the magazine and the website (though I assume epicurious.com will continue) all the web only recipes will disappear–mr. fatty fatty bacon pie being one of them.  My favorite part of this recipe–after the fact that practically every other ingredient is fat–is the little parenthetical after 1 cup peanut butter (not natural). It was obviously very late in the evening when someone decided to throw together a jar of Jif, some chocolate wafers and bacon dipped in sugar. Eating this pie seems like a good way to say goodbye and screw you! how the hell did you %!*&  everything up enough to make this great magazine get axed.

I made oreos this weekend. Now before you go off on the whole “how do you do it all?” rant, let me just say I don’t. My husband has been off work for a few weeks now and he takes the big kids (just like that, they are big kids!) when the baby goes down for a nap. It’s been absolutely amazing to have him around so much. This is how it should be: two parents taking care of the kids, maybe a nanny thrown in to take some of the pressure off. Oh to be ridiculously wealthy….some day. That comes to an abrupt end today and god knows how I’m going to deal with these three whiny, crying, poopy bundles of love all day long. I’ll probably make more oreos, because I bake when I’m stressed.  Mostly because I know I can make whatever recipe you throw at me or if I can’t there will be enough sugar and butter in it to be edible anyway. These cookies were most definitely edible.  I’ve made oreos before and they were kind of a pain in the ass–well it was a martha stewart recipe so what do you expect–but they were really good and crunchy too. These were more to the moon pie end of the scale. The cookies themselves were super easy and super delicious and I would make them on their own again (and again), but  I just wasn’t down with the filing. It is technically correct: crisco and butter and sugar. I assume that’s whats in real oreos (minus the butter) and that’s what martha puts in her oreos, but I just can’t bring myself to eat raw crisco. I’m no natural food freak, I have eaten my fair share of crisco and continue to have a can of it in the cupboard, but I can’t just stick my finger in it and eat it. ugh. So next time I’ll make a thick cream cheese frosting and slap that between the two cookies instead.

And there is a half done project under the cookies, see? ooop, and there’s the baby. So it’ll stay half done for another day.

peach and creme fraiche pie to be exact. It was made and already eaten–pie is just so good for breakfast. Though this pie wasn’t quite as good as I thought it would be. It was pretty damn tasty, don’t get me wrong, but the streusel didn’t really do it for me. There should have been more crunch to it. Next time I’ll add some chopped almonds or something else to give it more dimension. Because as it stands this pie is all creamy and softy peachy goodness, which sure as hell ain’t bad.

I made a rhubarb custard pie yesterday after picking up some lovely rhubarb at the farmer’s market. My mother made this pie every spring and would always say that it proved the existence of god. And really it is damn good. The recipe is from Betty Crocker and it’s quite simple, but the lattice top makes it look extra impressive.  I took some pictures while I was putting the pie together and though I’d share a little lattice top tutorial so all your pies can look fancy fancy too.

Make enough pie crust for a 2 crust pie (there is a good recipe here). Roll half out and line your pie pan, put you filling in and pop it in the fridge while you roll out the other half of the dough. Roll the second half out just like the first: about an 1/8″ thick and slightly bigger than your pie pan. Cut the whole thing into one inch strips. Now place two of the longest strips in the middle perpendicular to each other. Fold the strip that is underneath back over the strip on top and add another parallel to the one on top about a half an inch away. Continue weaving the strips by folding every other strip up and putting a new strip in. If your strips are broken or you don’t have enough long ones, just hide the broken bit under another strip and no one will ever know. When you’ve covered the whole top, seal the pie by pinching the top and bottom crusts together (two fingers on the outside and one on the inside, just like the picture) around the whole pie. With a sharp knife cut all the excess dough off and stand back and admire your work. Before putting in the oven be sure to brush the top with cream (or egg wash) and sprinkle with sugar. This will make the lattice top look even better.

Rhubarb Custard Pie
from Betty Crocker

3 eggs
3 Tbsp. milk
2 cups sugar
1/4 cup flour
3/4 tsp nutmeg
4 cups cut-up rhubarb
1 Tbsp butter

Beat the eggs and milk in a large bowl. Mix the sugar, flour and nutmeg together and add to the eggs. Mix well. Add the rhubarb and stir. Pour into your prepared crust. Dot with the butter. Cover with lattice top. Bake for 50-60 minutes at 400 degrees (Fahrenheit) until nicely browned. Serve slightly warm (with vanilla ice cream!) or cold for breakfast the next day.

We had a really lovely weekend. I pretended to know what I was doing in the garden while my kids made mud pies and my husband mowed the lawn. It doesn’t get more suburban than that. And it was awesome. We ate every meal outside, including these ridiculously awesome carrot cake cookies. The recipe says they make 18, but I only got a dozen, so double it because they are super delicious: not too sweet, but not too healthy either and small enough to eat too many without realizing it. And just the cure for when all your decorating decisions get totally panned (in the comments) on a popular website–who knew rug placement was such a hot button issue?

I suppose there are people out there who don’t care for peeps, but I’ve never met them. Most people I know eat them this time of year with abandon and many have their own special way of enjoying them: I like mine stale, for instance (just like my mom), and I had an old boyfriend who liked to burn the little bunnies with his lighter before he ate them–so tough.  But this year instead of buying my peeps, I thought I’d make them. They’re just marshmallows sprinkled with sugar, how hard could it be?  Not hard really, after you royally screw up a couple of batches and have to throw them out, run out of colored sugar (by the second chick), have a small sugar induced meltdown, suck it up and make your own colored sugar (just throw some white sugar and a couple drops of food coloring in a food processor–nothing to freak out about), and come to terms with the fact that every other bunny you make will be a mutant, so no, not hard at all. The most important thing is not to over whip the marshmallows. They should have very soft peaks and can even still be a little warm. I used martha’s marshmallows for piping recipe, which is strangely lacking in the flavor department, so add vanilla extract (or peppermint or licorice or pineapple or whatever your little heart desires), but other than that it was great–and she has piping directions here. Oh and they are freakin delicious, fresh or stale.

I keep forgeting to say thank you for all the congratulations and kind words from all of you about my pregnancy. Thank you so much! It is so wonderful to hear and much needed as I’m freaking out a bit about having three kids under three. Better go eat some more peeps.

This is a Martha idea from a few years back. Super simple and it makes the whole room smell like gingerbread. My reindeer are pretty wonky (one somehow became a boy reindeer in the oven and one gained some christmas weight) Martha would not approve. If you make this, the gingerbread dough’s best quality should be sturdiness, not deliciousness.  There was an obscene amount of butter in these, so we will be eating, not decorating, with the rest. Though I’m sure the reindeer will have their feet nibbled off in no time.

Yesterday we were buried under almost a foot of snow, so we made meringue snowmen.  I had this little project stored somewhere in the back of my brain for a while and it was the perfect day for it. I whipped up some meringue, piped them onto a sheet pan, and the kids decorated them.  We didn’t have much (and there was no going to the store) so I cut raisins up for the eyes and we used the 10 red hots that were left. I didn’t want to use chocolate chips because I thought they would melt. But now I’m realizing I should have cut up some dried apricots for noses! oh well. I also forgot the peppermint extract, so they don’t really taste like much, but the kids don’t care at all. The meringue is sticky as all get out, so it’s a good idea to wet your fingers a little before you start decorating.

snowman meringues adapted from martha stewart

• 3 large egg whites
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon peppermint extract (or vanilla if you don’t have peppermint)
• raisins, currants, dried fruit, red hots, or whatever else you have on hand for decorating

directions

1. Put egg whites and sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer. Set bowl over a pan of simmering water, and stir until sugar has dissolved and mixture is warm to the touch, 2 to 3 minutes.
2. Transfer bowl to an electric mixer fitted with the whisk attachment. Mix on medium-high speed until stiff peaks form.
3. Mix in peppermint extract (don’t forget)
4. Put the meringue into a piping bag with a large tip (or a ziploc bag with a clipped corner, or just use two spoons). If you have a silpat, use it. If not put some parchment paper on a cookie sheet and “glue” the corners down with a dab of meringue. Then pipe three adjoining circles–a snowman, silly.
5. Decorate and pop in a 175 degree (Fahrenheit) oven for two hours. They will look exactly the same when you take them as they did when you put them in.

This is turning into a tutorial week! Tomorrow I’ll have the directions for the string of lights advent calendar and who knows maybe I can rustle up another tutorial for Friday (but don’t hold your breath). Also, a couple people have emailed me asking whether or not the mobile swap is happening again this year. And yes! it is. Sign up will start in January. Last year it was a big success! And I’ve even got an idea for my mobile already.

This is my little bit for holidays at home.

English toffee was the first christmas candy my mom made each year.  After we were done with all the Thanksgiving leftovers, she would make a huge batch and stick it all in the freezer. And I would spend the entire month of December sneaking pieces of it thinking no one would notice. I think probably half was gone by the time Christmas rolled around! So now I make english toffee every year for Christmas and though I still eat my fair share I try to give most of it away.  The recipe below makes a smallish batch–enough for a nice gift or your own personal use–but it is easily doubled or tripled.  Don’t be intimidated by the long (winded) directions, this toffee is easy and quick to make, I just wanted them to be extra clear.

ingredients
2/3 cup butter
1/2 cup sugar
1/3 cup water
1/2 tsp salt
2/3 cup blanched slivered almonds
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/2 cup chocolate chips or 2 small chocolate bars
1/2 cup chopped pecans

you will also need
saucepan
candy thermometer
cookie sheet  (I used a small one, but the size doesn’t really matter)
a silpat if you have one, extra butter if you don’t

directions

Before you jump right in, measure out all your ingredients so they are all ready to go. If you’ve never worked with boiling sugar before (or if you are prone to accidents) keep a small bowl of ice water next to the stove in case you burn yourself. Boiling sugar is super hot, so this isn’t one for the kids. If you have a silpat (and you really should get one–they are awesome) put in on your cookie sheet and you’re good to go. If not, butter your cookie sheet like crazy.

Now that everything is ready, put the sugar, butter, water and salt into your saucepan. Cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until it reaches 236 degrees Fahrenheit (soft ball) .  This will take a while and the chocolate chips are not there for you to snack on while you wait. The mixture will bubble up quite a bit.  It will stay around 200 degrees for longer than you think it should, but the temperature will shoot up quickly so don’t walk away. Make sure your candy thermometer is not resting on the bottom of the pan, but taking the temperature of the actual candy.

While you are waiting you can warm up the slivered almonds in the microwave. This will keep the candy’s temperature moving up instead of cooling down when you add them (but if you don’t have a microwave, you can skip it).

When the mixture is 236 degrees add the almonds. Stir constantly until it reaches 290 degrees (soft crack). The candy will turn a lovely amber shade and give off a nice, nutty smell. That when you know it’s done. I might have gone a tad too far with mine, but you’re not going to stop and take pictures while you cook.

Add the baking soda and stir.  Pour onto the prepared pan and spread it as best you can. Sprinkle the chocolate chips on top, wait a minute for them to melt and then spread them all over the top of the toffee. Sprinkle the chopped pecans on top of the chocolate and let cool.  You can speed up the cooling by popping the toffee in the freezer. When it’s completely cool break up into pieces and give away all that you don’t eat.

One of the nice things about blogs are the amazing tutorials and recipes that people share. One of the crappy things about having a blog is listening to the tutorial writer in your head narrating all the steps while you make something. Of course this only happens when my two toddlers aren’t screaming or banging or just being as loud as they can be for no reason, but when there is quiet that little voice in my head starts writing an informative and witty tutorial for whatever it is I might be doing at the time. So that’s why, out of the blue, I’m going to tell you how to make popcorn balls.

First make popcorn. Normally I hate popcorn, but it is quite a spectacle for the smaller set and we were stuck inside because of the rain.  We had it with tomato soup for lunch and there was a bunch leftover (how do you make just a little popcorn?). The recipe–Betty Crocker–says you should have 7 cups of popcorn to make popcorn balls–I think I had more, it just a big bowl full really. Be sure to pick all the unpopped kernels out or you will break a tooth on one. This is a good thing for kids to do while you deal with the blistering hot candy syrup.

Now put

1 cup sugar
1/3 cup water
1/3 cup corn syrup
1 tsp salt
and
1/4 cup butter

in a sauce pan. If you have a candy thermometer put it in the pan, if not have a small bowl full of ice water next to the stove. Cook the delicious butter and sugar mixture until it hits 250 degrees. This is hard ball stage and the syrup will form a hard ball (duh) when you drop it into the ice water. I broke my candy thermometer, so I had to use the ice water method and I just kept checking throughout.  It will color a little when it’s done and the ball shouldn’t be rock hard, but should give a little under pressure.

When it’s done, take it off the heat right away and add

1 tsp vanilla and
a couple drops of food color if you feel like it

It’s better to have these ready before you start so you don’t forget. Now pour the syrup all over the popcorn stirring quickly. It’s nice to have another person help at this point, but you can manage by yourself just fine. Let it cool a minute or two and make balls. If it’s sticky you can butter your hands a bit and then shape them. Voila! popcorn balls. I always remember these to be a halloween treat. I also remember them being enormous, but I made little ones for little hands. Remember to brush the little teeth when your done!